


About a Josh

by Warren_Battle



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, LGBTQ Character, Other, self discovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-04 14:06:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4140585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warren_Battle/pseuds/Warren_Battle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joshua Dun has an amazing life. He plays everywhere in the world with his best friend, Tyler Joseph. His family is supportive and his fans love him, but why isn't he happy? Josh doesn't understand something about himself; he lacks something that everyone else seems to have. It's brought him problems with past relationships, and even Tyler is unable to understand. It's hard to apply "to each their own" when there's nothing to own. Josh needs to understand who he is because he feels broken and different and he wants to understand why.<br/>Sometimes it takes someone to come around to show you how and this is a story about a Josh.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. BECAUSE OF THE QUESTIONS

**Author's Note:**

> I am very sorry if there's anything wrong with the syntax of the work. English is not my first language. Feel free to correct me in the comments if you mind it necessary.  
> I speak to you during the story using parenthesis, so if you see something in parenthesis that doesn't seem to go with the story, it's me speaking to you just commenting something.

\- Next question, please! It's, uh, question number 8 if I'm not wrong.  
\- It's me! Uhm. Hello! My name's Jeff and I'm from Oklahoma...  
\- Hi, Jeff! - saluted Tyler  
\- Hi!  
\- Uhm my question is: Tyler, when and how did you and Jenna first meet and Josh, why aren't you in a relationship yet?

Everyone in the audience and even the radio broadcasters were a little shocked, and one would say, almost offended at the question. Josh looked at this feet and went completely silent. It had been some time already after the breakup, yes, but it still affected both parties. 

\- I'm...eh, my wife. The question's when did I met her? - asked Tyler  
\- Yeah.  
\- Jenna's just to cover up my relationship with Josh... - he joked (or did he?)

Everyone laughed, including Josh. Tyler just wanted to ease the tension of the question toward Josh.  
\- I think it was..oh my God...I think it was three years ago or two and a half years ago. I remember that we started going out and then I took her to a show of ours to show her what I did. And... I thought "she's so digging this". But then at the end of the show she was so unfazed by the fact that I was in a band and that I played music and I got obsessed with that, if I can use that verb to refer to it. And yeah, even to this day, she's so unfazed by that...I mean, she's very supportive and everything, but I love having her and her being like that because she's very realistic, like, I know I won't have any false motivation or anything. - He ended. He didn't want to finish because that'd take the attention toward the question directed to Josh, and he didn't really want to put that tension on Josh because he could get anxious. He looked over to his best friend, now taking the word but carrying on the subject on Jenna.  
\- Yeah, I mean, Jenna's amazing. - he said with an almost sad voice. - She's funny and she's awesome and makes Tyler a better person to be around... - and he giggled at the last comment whilst looking over at Tyler and everyone chuckled along.  
\- Thank...thank you, Josh. - said Tyler, seeing that Josh had nothing else to say to evade the question he was asked and almost giving up...  
\- Have you ever stopped to think how this makes Josh feel? - everyone laughed, Josh laughed and seemed more relieved. - Because not just you guys, but anyone who spends a lot of time together; two friends, when one gets married, you have to change a lot of things and stuff...

Tyler was going to speak, but Josh took the word.

\- I'm gonna answer this because it's about me. - everyone laughed - It's been cool for me, because, as I said, Jenna's really cool and makes Tyler more fun to be around...but I still get to hang out with Tyler just as much, so it hasn't changed much....  
\- And what about you? Are you looking for your next love affair? - asked the broadcaster, returning to the first question of the interview "how did you two meet?" Everyone laughed.  
\- Uhm, haha, no... - the bomb now was there, so he had to make the best out of it: a joke - ...I'm in a committed relationship with my drums - he said finally, and Tyler, who was looking at him nervously as to see what his reaction would be, sighed in relief and laughed along with the audience. 

When the laughter died off, the broadcaster spoke again. 

\- You're in a very good place, though, You're young, I'm...you're both 26, right? - They both answered yes. - Not married, I mean, I love my wife, but you're young and in a band.. you're in a very good place. You're enjoying your youth, right?

Josh readjusted in his seat.

\- Well.. - Josh started  
\- Well, but all that to say... - interrupted Tyler - ladies, seriously, one of the best catches you'll ever find - he said, pointing at his best friend and looking at the audience whilst Josh looked all humble  
\- Look at you! Caring out for your boy! - the audience laughed, the boys laughed along

The interview continued. The normal question about the technical arranging in their music Who was Blurryface and if they'd ever collaborate with anyone else. It finally ended and then they played Tear in My Heart, the only love song they ever played. They left, with thank yous and goodbyes and their hearts relieved. 

They got up on Tyler's car and drove to the hotel they were staying on. Josh was silent and his head hung as if he didn't even have the strength to get it up. His eyes were staring at the car's floor. Tyler was sure that he wasn't even there. He was far away, thinking of something. In times like this he wished he could get inside Josh's mind to comfort him.  
Everyone knew about Tyler's struggles, but Josh almost never spoke about them and that bothered Tyler, but it wasn't his story to tell. Josh was reserved with his voice. He almost communicated solely through his drums sometimes. When he was angry, you'd notice by two things: a little distress in his eyes and the way he'd bang the drums. Same happened when he was nervous or when he was troubled in any way or even when he was happy. That was Josh for everyone who knew him; an amazing human being who'd internalize everything if it wasn't because of the drums.  
He spoke with Tyler about how he felt sometimes, but it mostly took Tyler to take the initiative. He had to ask Josh if everything was okay, and almost guess his way through Josh's mind. Josh could seem like a simple, easy minded guy, light mood and everything, but he wasn't. He was more complicated than "the guy who plays the drums and does backflips", and of course he was even more than that for Tyler.  
He was deciding whether or not to interrupt his friend's thoughts, but he pondered it'd be better to leave him alone. After all, he knew he was pensive because of the question about the relationship. He knew he still missed Debby and it was hard for him to talk about romance. He wasn't really someone who went with girls out much. Before Debby there had been a couple of girls more, but Debby had seemed the most important one. Still, there was something else behind that. Josh never quite cleared up the whole breakup situation to him. He didn't clear it up with anyone. Probably not even with himself. "Things got complicated." he'd said. Tyler didn't want to push him into explaining, but things must've gotten bad if after such a long time, it still hurt both so much. But they could be together, I mean, they were still friends, so things couldn't have been all that bad, right?  
"Stop thinking, Tyler, you're gonna end up worse than Josh if you keep going around all of this again. " He told himself. He looked over at Josh, who was still serious and silent but now he was looking out the window. He guessed he was doing that to evade Tyler's stare. He was always more of a listener than a talker, Josh. He would listen to him complaining all night long and he'd hold him while crying and he'd calm him down when he got angry or nervous and he'd try to cheer him up when he felt depressed. He was thankful for all of that, but he felt powerless when it was about helping Josh because he couldn't even be sure about what was wrong.


	2. JENNA'S VOICE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler needs to calm down and let Josh alone for a little while. He calls Jenna for help on this situation, and to find out if she knows the reason as to why Josh always reacts this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried my best to write Jenna, guys. There's not much information about her online. I read her tweets and saw some of her vines and, I mean, I know she's really sweet but also a really empowered (?) lady.I hope it's okay. Remember, if you have any constructive judgement on this, I'll be more than happy to read it, so please leave any recommendations for improvement in the comments.   
> Again, this is my very first fic and English is not my first language, so please do forgive me if anything is misspelt. Thanks a lot for reading! Hope you enjoy it!

They finally arrived at the hotel. Josh seemed anxious while Tyler was looking for a parking place. When he finally parked the car, a little far off the entrance of the hotel, Josh got out of the car fast and walked toward the entrance. Tyler followed and tried to keep up with Josh's pace.   
\- Josh!- he called when he was a couple of feet behind his friend - Hey, wait! 

Josh slowed down against his will and waited for Tyler to get to where he was standing.

\- Hey, are you okay? - Tyler asked even though he knew what the answer was. But this was always the method to start Josh to say what he was feeling. - I know that question bothered you. If you want to we can talk about it.  
\- It's not... I don't need to speak about it, Tyler. I'm fine. - he said, still evading his friends eyes  
\- Really? You're okay? Why can't you look at me in the eyes, then? Josh, come on! You never tell me how you feel. You need to speak to me, buddy. - said Tyler as softly as he could but the words came out a little more hotheaded than he intended.

Josh sighed and sped up his pace, ignoring what Tyler just said. He wanted to be alone. He was feeling his throat closing and was already gasping for air. Tyler just stopped in the middle of the parking lot, seeing his friend walk away from him. Josh entered the hotel and he didn't wait for Tyler to follow. Tyler didn't know whether to follow him or to just go somewhere else in the city and give him some time alone.   
"You're not his father, Tyler, you can't force him to talk to you. You know he needs some time on his own." He told himself. He decided to drive around the city. He'd talk to Jenna about the situation and maybe she'd figure it out. Sometimes it only took Jenna's voice to make everything better. But he was dead worried about his friend. "He won't kill himself, Tyler. Just give him a few minutes." He walked away from the hotel and into the car again.  
He was driving and then found a Starbucks. He went in and as soon as he ordered and sat on a table near a window, he texted Josh: "Hey, I'm at Starbucks. I understand you need to be alone for a while but call me if you need anything. I'll take you something. Take care." He then called Jenna. 

\- Hi, love. - answered Jenna’s sweet voice over the phone.  
\- Hi, beautiful. I was just calling to see how you're doing without me.   
\- I'm doing alright, although I do miss you. I guess I can take it. I went to the movies with your mom yesterday night, you know? - she said and Tyler was savoring every one of her words; everything she said. He loved her voice, it was reassuring.   
\- Yeah! She told me. Did you enjoy the movie?   
\- Well, it wasn't all that great but it was okay to kill time...  
\- *sigh* Right. We just got out of an interview.  
\- Yeah, I know. Is there something wrong, Tyler? You sound worried. Are you feeling bad again? - her voice became distressed. Tyler didn't want to worry her.   
\- Yeah, no, baby, I'm fine. It's... it's Josh. - he finally said  
\- Oh...what's wrong? Did he go silent again? - her voice was softer, comprehensive, soothing  
\- Yeah.  
\- You know why?  
\- Well, it was after a specific question was asked...  
\- Was it about Debby? - she sounded more serious now  
\- Not particularly about her, but it was about having a lover or something of the sort...  
\- You know I don't like talking about their relationship. It's not ours to discuss.   
\- I know, I know. But, I mean, was it so tragic? Was it so dramatic for him to always react like this? It's been like 8 months, Jenna. Even if it hit him hard, 8 months is too much.  
\- Yeah, I know, Debby gets sad now and then as well.  
\- But she doesn't get this kind of distraught... - his voice was a little louder now - does she? I mean, nobody does... and you know Josh is not that dependent on people.  
\- I'm pretty sure he's dependent on you... *sigh* Look, it wasn't that bad, I mean, it's obvious, they can stand each other and talk, right? Neither did anything bad, it's just that...thing's got complicated.   
\- Yeah, that's exactly what Josh always says. I'm his best friend. Shouldn't he tell me everything? I mean, I tell him everything. He sees me in my rawest moments, but he doesn't let me see that of him?  
\- I thought I was your best friend. - she said playfully. She didn't like it when things got heated up, so she joked.   
\- *little chuckle* Yeah, you are. You are my best friend and my soulmate and the love of my life, Jenna, but...you know what I mean.  
\- Yes, I understand, Tyler, but, I mean, maybe there's not much to explain, you know? There were differences in interests and that's it. When two people can't have the same together, then it takes sacrifice from one of them and sometimes people can't sacrifice themselves even for a person they care about a lot. Maybe Josh doesn't tell you because he doesn't understand what happened himself...  
\- Or maybe he keeps blaming himself or something. What if he's hurting himself? What if I should be there with him right now?  
\- You're becoming paranoid, love. He's gonna be alright. You’re the one who needs tea or something calming because you're about to explode. - she giggled a little bit and Tyler felt more relaxed listening to her being happy despite his overreacting. She was perfect.  
\- I guess you're right. Maybe he's ashamed or something. I'll try to speak to him later. I just don't want to push him or anything.   
\- He'll tell you when he needs to, Ty. I'll call you later, I'll go for a run, okay, honey?  
\- Yes, beautiful. Be safe. I love you. Call me when you get home, okay?  
\- I will, baby. I love you. Take care and...don't worry so much, okay?  
\- Yeah, bye bye.

He hung up and stared at the screen for a few seconds. The photo of his wife was showing in the entirety of the phone screen and then faded to black as the phone blocked itself. He unblocked it to see if Josh had answered his message, but he hadn't even seen it. 

\- Tea for Tyler! - yelled the girl at the counter. Tyler got up to retrieve his tea. - See what I did there, man? Tea? As in T for Tyler? Ok, I know I'm terrible, sorry. Enjoy your tea.  
\- Thanks. - he said and smiled at the girl


	3. THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME, TYLER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler returns to the hotel wanting to speak to Josh. He finds him sitting casually on a bed and he tries to engage in a conversation about what happened, but Josh still doesn't want to talk about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've all seen how the boys interact with each other friendly and in front of the cameras, but we can only guess how they are with each other when they engage in a fight. Again, I try to stick with each one's personality as best as I can. I'm sorry if it feels a little exaggerated.   
> I think it is in this chapter that things begin to become a little more interesting. I'm sorry it seems slow. I hope I'm not boring you, please do comment if you have any recommendations on how to improve the narrative or the exposition of the personalities of the boys. Thanks for reading and enjoy!

He drank his tea almost too quickly. He was thinking about Josh and how weird this whole thing was getting. "We're only two guys in the band. We're best friends, what could he be so ashamed of? Or maybe he's scared of how I'd react...nobody did anything wrong...a sacrifice one of them couldn't make...differences in interests...maybe he doesn't understand it himself...WHAT COULD IT POSSIBLY BE?!" He was stressing himself out. He was getting impatient. He had to go to that hotel room and talk to Josh. He needed to know why his friend always reacted so badly. He hadn't been like this with his past girlfriends.  
He went to the counter and bought Josh a coffee and ordered another one for himself. He got in the car and drove as fast as he was allowed to get to the hotel. He ran up the staircase and opened the door of their room. Josh was on his phone, the TV was on with the volume almost all the way down. 

\- Hey! - said Tyler, closing the door behind him  
\- Hey - answered Josh, but in a much lower voice - I just, uhm, I just read your message, I'm sorry. I was asleep. - it was true. His hair was all messy and his eyes looked tired.  
\- That's okay. Are you feeling better?  
\- Yeah. I told you I'm fine. - he smiled at Tyler as to prove it.  
\- Right. I brought you some coffee.   
\- Thanks. Hey, there's gonna be a marathon of Iron Man movies in like an hour.   
\- Cool. We should buy some junk food.   
\- I agree...

They fell silent for a while. 

\- Josh... – began Tyler  
\- Please, Tyler...  
\- You need to speak to me. I'm worried, okay? I am. I don't know if you're fine, I can't read your mind, I need you to tell me what's bothering you so much.   
\- Why do you need to know, Tyler? It's not like you can make it any better.  
\- Maybe I can. Or at least I can listen to you.   
\- You won't understand, Tyler. You can't make it any better. Not even I understand and I don't want to talk about it. Why can't you respect that? – he said, getting up from the bed he was sitting in  
\- Because I've heard you crying at night sometimes! Because I'm scared this will become overwhelming for you and you'll get really depressed and you'll leave! You need a solution. You need to get it out of you. Share it with me, Josh. I need you to trust me!  
\- I trust you, okay?! I just don't want to talk about it. You don't have to worry about it. I can't just scream like you...  
\- So you're gonna internalize it? That's it? You're gonna let it grow in your chest until you can't breathe anymore? HUH?! COME ON, JOSH, I NEED TO HELP YOU!  
\- You can't, Tyler! For God's sake! You can't! - his voice broke. He sat on the bed and covered his face with his hands. He started sobbing.

Tyler felt the urge to cry as well. He felt he had crushed Josh. He had been too hard on him. He felt terribly guilty.

\- I'm so sorry, Josh. Oh, God, I'm so sorry, I didn't want things to go like this. Please forgive me, I'm a terrible person. - he said as tears began forming in his eyes and his throat started closing. He began to feel dizzy, so he sat down.   
\- You're not a terrible person, Tyler. - said Josh between sobs - I know how much you care and I'm sorry I feel this way, but it's complicated. I can't explain it. There's... there's something wrong with me, okay?  
\- No, you don't have to apologize for feeling bad about something. There's nothing wrong with you. I know we can work it out together, okay, Josh? I'm here for you and you know it.   
\- I know you have good intentions, Tyler. I know you want to know and you want everything to be okay, but right now I just don't feel comfortable talking about it.   
\- That's okay, but please don't be afraid to tell me things. I'm your best friend and I want you to always know that I'm never going to be too busy for you. You are part of my family, Josh. And do forgive me for reacting like that. You know I get absurdly hysterical. I'm very sorry.  
\- No, it's fine. I know. Are you okay? - he asked sincerely, wiping the tears off his face with his shirt  
\- Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just worried, that's all.   
\- You really don't have to be. I won't hurt myself. I promise.  
\- Okay. - he said, still contemplating the situation - So should we buy some junk food or what? - and he looked at Josh with a little smirk on his face  
\- Yeah, totally! Doritos!!! - answered Josh, now with that characteristic big smile on his face which made his eyes close 

They went for some food and they sat and saw the marathon, although they were fast asleep during the last minutes of Iron Man 2. They were sat in the same bed in front of the TV, and Tyler was too tired to go to his own bed so he stayed on Josh's. Josh was a little more awake than Tyler, so he turned off the TV and the lights and went to bed.   
Tyler was facing the wall, fast asleep, even though his breathing was fast and not calm. Josh went to Tyler's bed and covered himself with the sheets. He looked over at Tyler as to be sure he was sleeping and then he faced the other side, looking outside the window. He then felt lonely and different and a little empty again.   
"There's something wrong with me, Ty." he said to himself and a single tear rolled down his cheek and then he fell asleep looking at the moon who pitied him from the night sky.


	4. TAKE CARE, JOSH

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some weeks have passed since Josh and Tyler's confrontation about what happens to Josh. The boys are about to finish their tour in USA and they will soon head home before starting their tour over Europe. Josh receives the message of somebody he loves and what seems to be the reason of his despair and trouble, but might not be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am truly sorry for not posting lately. I have ADD, so sometimes I leave my tasks unattended. Thanks to those who commented, you make me feel like I'm going somewhere with this story. I hope you like this chapter and I will try to post soon.

\- WOOOOOHOOO! THAT WAS AMAZING, JOSH! DID YOU SEE THEM?! THEY WERE AWESOME! - yelled Tyler out of the adrenaline. They had just finished a concert, one of the biggest performances they'd had until then and they were all moist in sweat.  
\- Yeah! You were unbelievable! - answered Josh  
\- WE were unbelievable, my friend - added Tyler, and he put his arm around Josh's shoulders.

It was their last concert in the United States. They were going to start their tour in Europe the following week. 

They got all their things and went to their hotel room. They would take an airplane in the morning to go to Columbus to visit their families before they went to Europe. Tyler was more than happy about this fact, for he was missing Jenna like crazy and couldn't wait to see her. Josh wanted to see his mother, for some reason he had been feeling a little homesick and just wanted to give his mother a big and long lasting hug.

\- You want the shower first? - asked Tyler when they arrived at the hotel  
\- Yes, please.  
\- Okay, you go. I'm going to call Jenna.  
\- Yeah, say hello for me

Josh got in the bathroom and began to get undressed. He turned on the cold water and saw that he had a couple of new messages in his phone. They were from Debby. 

"Great show tonight. I hope you're feeling okay. I noticed you were a little distracted." 

He sat down in the toilet seat and sighed.

"Were you there?" he replied  
"No, a friend of mine was. She recorded you. You okay?"  
"Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for asking. How're you doin'?"  
"Alright. Josh, Jenna told me that Tyler told her that you were acting weird..."  
"Oh...that was last week"  
"Yeah, but Josh, you and I know it's not only last week. She told me you don't want to talk about it."  
"I don't feel like talking about it, Deb."  
"But maybe it'll help you, Josh. Look, you mean a lot to me and I want you to feel okay."  
"I know. I'm sorry. I don't feel comfortable talking about it, that's all."  
"Talk to Tyler. He must be dead worried."  
"It's not normal, Debby."  
"Which is precisely why you need to talk about it with someone. Maybe it's just who you are, Josh. Maybe it's just how you work and that's completely fine. Maybe there's something that's causing it, but if there's something, you need to know what it is."  
"I'll try."  
"Fine. I have to go. Good night, Josh."  
"Good night, Debby."

He let his phone on a little table near the shower. He felt sad. He felt that, apart from Tyler, he was failing Debby. He felt He was failing everyone. He finished getting undressed and entered the shower. It was freezing, but he didn't feel it because he was too deep into his thoughts.   
"Maybe I should talk about it with my mom. She must know something..." he was thinking while he put shampoo on his red hair and saw how the red stained his hands. "No, what are you talking about? I'm not going to talk about that with my mother...maybe dad will know. No, it would be even weirder. He'd think I'm sick or something." He grabbed the soap and covered his body in it. It smelt of flowers, maybe Jasmine. "What if I AM sick?I must be...or broken"  
His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. 

\- Josh! I hope I'm not interrupting something important, but I need to shower, buddy, and I'm getting really drowsy. - said Tyler from the other side of the door.  
\- Yeah, I'm almost done, Ty! - answered Josh  
\- Ok.

Josh finished and turn off the stream of water. He took a towel, but he barely dried himself. He put on his underwear and some sleeping trousers and took his dirty clothes and went out the bathroom. 

\- All yours. - he said  
\- Ugh. Josh, you never dry off!   
\- Come on, Tyler. I'm clean for more time this way.  
\- No, you're not.   
\- Just go and clean yourself.

Tyler looked disapprovingly at Josh in a joking manner and went inside the bathroom. He was taking his shirt off when he heard a buzz near him. He looked around him and spotted Josh's phone on the little table. He walked toward the table and saw read in the screen that he had a new message from Debby. The message showed itself on the screen:   
"Take care, Josh. Talk to Tyler."


End file.
